It’s Safer-at-Home order Day 4,972 and I’m beginning to crack.
Wait, what? Why am I ready to crack?
I don’t have kids to home-school, I have been able to work, and there’s no one else living with me that is underfoot. I have a LOT of friends who would think that’s living the dream, the pandemic dream that is.
The Safer-at-Home Order has messed up my routine. I totally struggle with not having my normal, boring routine. I am very attached to my routine. More so than I thought I was. Most days I feel lost. While I’m healthy and employed, I feel lost. I also feel “survivor’s guilt”. Why? because I’m complaining and in a way better spot than a lot of people out there.
The Safer-at-Home Order
With the cities, counties, and state not necessarily in agreement with how to proceed and interpret the information coming from Washington and the WHO (not the band, that other group,) it’s no wonder things in my world feel precarious. Mayors are doing one thing. Counties another. Each state is different. Cities next to each other aren’t necessarily playing by the same rules.
For quite a while it wasn’t a matter of the order coming down but a matter of when it would happen and how strict it would be. I mean, I live in the county that was home to the viral Spring Break 2020 video. Oy. As if that wasn’t’ confusing enough, everyone’s interpretation was a little different..
“Safer-at-Home” is much more than, “Stay at home, unless you need to leave.” Ya, it’s murky, to say the least. It’s more like, “Stay at Home, or go where you absolutely need to go then return home, unless you want to exercise or walk your dog, then go do that, but not in groups, and not at the parks or beaches that are closed but if they aren’t then ok, but if you’re on a path, don’t get too close to anyone and don’t be outside in groups…” Are you beginning to see what I mean by murky? Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.
Prior to Safer-at-Home, I worked too much, ate out too often, and spent a lot of time on my computer (or iPad or phone.) My days off were spent running errands then hunkering down at Starbucks to use with free wifi. Well, not actually free, I did purchase a lot of tea and snacks. I socialized once or twice a week. “Introvert” is the world you are looking for.
Safer-at-Home, An Introvert’s Dream?
When the restaurants were ordered to close (except for takeout/delivery,) sh*t got real, for me at least. I know, that sounds very self-absorbed, but, I felt lost. I had a routine. A few nights a week I had pasta, or chicken, or a big salad, a glass of wine or a vodka tonic or sparkling water to finish up my water regimen for the day. It was my routine. Those places were suddenly gone. I had no idea how much doing these things had meant to me. Me, the big ole introvert, missed being out in society. And worst of all?
There was no longer anywhere to go for free wifi.
I don’t have internet at home, nor cable. I live simply. I have unlimited service on my cell phone and iPad. That’s how I handle not having internet at home. (More on why I made those choices in a future post.)
Fortunately, I have a couple of friends who helped me out with a corner in their home or spare room. I was able to continue working my freelance thing on my off days. Whew! A bit out of sorts, but manageable.
Then the Safer-at-Home order kicked in. No more socializing allowed (unless it’s via Zoom.) Which meant, no more pulling up a corner at a friend’s house. Ok, I’m an introvert, I can handle this. Ummm no, no I can’t.
If the loss of restaurants crashed my world, having to self-isolate sealed the deal.
Safer-at-Home a Day at a Time
It’s been a hard transition. I have a friend who is out of town and I’ve been using her place for “office hours” once or twice a week.
Note to self: I need to get her a gift card or a big bottle of booze to thank her. It’s kept me from losing my ever-lovin’-mind. It’s given me a little bit of normalcy.
I’ve put on a few pounds. I’m actually eating more, and consuming stuff I don’t normally eat. Someone gave me a big box of Peeps. I ate the whole thing in three sittings. Someone else gave me some Rice Crispy Treats. Three sittings…I even plowed through a bag of Dove Chocolates and a container of Orea Thins. I don’t even love chocolate! I like it, but it’s not my go-to.
On workdays, I’m good. I talk to people on the phone, facetime, text or email. I take care of orders and shipping and I keep the website and online store going. I have masks to wear and wipes to use. I’ve avoided the supermarket as much as possible. I have a job and a paycheck. I am blessed. But the off-days? I’m beginning to crack. To quote a friend of mine,
“I didn’t realize I liked people until all this started.”– my friend B
There are rumblings that we may be able to “transition” back into reality soon. The dark and twisty me will beleive that when I see it. The positive thinking me sure hopes it happens quickly!
I am sure that transition will be a long, confusing process as well. I’m just going to keep my head down and keep working, a day at a time, and wait for the world to tip itself upright again…and for Starbucks to reopen.
How are you holding up? Are you doing OK or are you ready to crack?
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